Not exactly what you may be thinking, but trust has now taken on a more matured meaning to me. And it should to you too. The road to this discovery is littered with brazen betrayals, and smidgens of dainty disappointments.
This is the price I paid for my naïve outlook about implicitly trusting people.
Trust, defined as the firm belief in the RELIABILITY, TRUTH, ABILITY or STRENGTH of something/someone is the very life of thriving relationships.
Broken trust therefore can feel hurtful and lethal at worst! You know what I mean if your sacred trust has ever been violated like mine was recently.
The experience highlights my new finding of exercising caution about unreservedly doling out trust.
Our histories and similar natures glued our friendship from the start in a rapid way. For months our relationship blossomed and seemed to be heading in the right direction. Assuming I had carefully laid a meticulous relational foundation, I shared a deeply personal information with Thomas (not his real name).
It was my evolving walk in vulnerability in hopes of forming a meaningful long-lasting connection with him. In a broader sense, it was a part of my hot pursuit of Authenticity.
And so I leaned into the discomfort, the pain of my situation and shared my heart out only to be greeted with ‘whys’, and ‘you should’ves’. This was followed by bland solutions prescribed in the reference of another. Something like, “When I faced a similar situation I did so and so! I would have . . . . . ”
My attempts at making some sense about his ‘shock’ regarding my revelation attracted a weird form of animated silence! You know, the silence that seems to communicate loudly that you’re unworthy of at least a reasonable audible response.
Initially, my heart was crushed! I falsely felt flawed!
Forced to reassess the whole situation, I arose out of the ashes, stronger and armed with a better perspective. I realized that I chose to put too much trust in Thomas. It was my miscalculation rather than my worthiness at stake! He proved himself unworthy of my trust. Still a friend, but unworthy of that kind of trust.
Some important life lessons were gleaned.
TRUST IS BUILT. . . . based on intimate knowledge. This kind of knowledge takes time and deliberate effort amidst a willingness to be transparent. And like building a house, or anything else, it must be done layer by layer, upon a solid foundation.
It is also wise to know that,
THERE ARE LEVELS/DEGREES OF TRUST. . . . Not everybody or thing can be trusted on the same level. A 6-year-old without a driver’s license will not be trusted to drive a Ferrari the same way a Professional Race Car Driver would be. And no matter how sincere a toddler is about being careful in handling guns, I will never give them a loaded one to play with.
And HUMANS CAN’T BE TRUSTED ON THE SAME LEVEL THAT GOD CAN. People are not perfect! We can’t even completely trust our own selves!
No wonder King Solomon of antiquity admonished us to, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding”.
The good news is that, God is perfect and will not disappoint. He alone is COMPLETELY trustworthy.
When these principles are violated, we set ourselves up for needless pain and disappointment, the way it happened to me.
So my trust in people will definitely be measured and better treasured!
How do you see TRUST in a different light now?