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I awoke this morning really excited! I felt like, this is truly the day God made. I condition myself therefore to rejoice and be glad in it. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Like the legendary Don Quixote, I’m going to conquer the monstrous windmills I see around me. I’m embarking on a worthy cause.

This is the Moses-delivering-the-Israelites-from-slavery-in Egypt kind. It has the same magnitude as young David slaying that big and bad Philistine giant who terrorized the Israeli military in the valley of Elah. This is the vision, for I too have a dream! I am going to start a PERFECT ‘church’, yes a perfect one!

The perfect name for this perfect church hasn’t come to mind yet, it requires a perfect timing. In the meantime, here are a few membership requirements. You have to be the perfect age, have a perfect body shape, color, height and weight. There will be no room for people who tell lies, both in the past or present – whether black, white, gold or gray ones. No room for people who gossip, cheat on their spouses or taxes, abuse their children or other children. No criminals of any kind. If you’ve ever been to jail or prison, you are not welcome!  I especially like those with perfect driving records.

Certainly your clothes must not be the wrong kind – right down to your underwear. Your shoes must be the latest and should always match your outfit. And oh, you have to admit (no lying allowed) to buying it not more than one week ago, and promise never to wear them twice – ever – to church. You must have a good voice to sing or promise to keep your mouth firmly closed. And while your mouth is closed, you have to insure that there is no bacteria multiplication to give any hint of bad breath. You will be summarily dismissed and referred to a perfect dentist, called Bill, who will treat your halitosis. You will not be allowed back until you receive a clean bill of health after you have cleared your entire dental bill.

Membership to this perfect church is now opened. Only perfect people need to apply. There will be an elaborate screening process. There is a non-refundable screening fee. This will guarantee immediate cash flow to the church. The screening includes checking your credit profile, and making sure you have enough in your bank account. We will check your job and neighbors for references, making sure your resume has no tales, and you must live in the right part of the city. You will then undergo a mental purity test, just to make sure you are not harboring any malice, jealousy, envy and any dirty thoughts that may pollute the church.

Now that the requirements have been made clear, I would like to announce that, the registration is officially opened. Please register at http://www.Iamperfect.org

Care to join?